Closer to myself

With the sound of rain tapping softly against the windows I wake up from a restless dream. A lot is going on in my head. Whether I am asleep or not. I am overflowing, and I notice it in everything. The tension is in my body, my hands are shaking, concentrating is difficult and my only wish is for another day to be over.

A day like the one I describe above is one that has come back all too often in the past year. You could say that my resilience has really been put to the test this year. After several major losses in our immediate circle, I also found myself sitting on the bench at the beginning of this year. An injury from a motorcycle accident years ago came back to haunt me during
a fall in the woods, and I couldn't walk for almost 2.5 months because I had to have surgery on my meniscus.

If this year has taught me one thing, it is the importance of asking for help. And believe me, that is not necessarily my best quality. You would think that if you have to be completely unburdened by your partner that asking for help would be easier, but nothing could be further from the truth. Just when I started to build up again, the hard work began.

The mental recovery.
Daring to trust my body again.
Learning to really ask for help.

Because everyone can imagine that when you can't walk, you need help. Only when I was able to do things myself again, I felt like I had asked for help so often that I really had to do it myself again...

When I feel bad, self-care is one of the first things that comes to mind. I throw myself into my work and prefer to spend 24/7 behind my laptop. Anything to escape the chaos in my head and the unrest in my body. However, I know that when I take a moment to seek that peace within myself and allow the unrest in my body to be there, I will automatically feel better.
feel calmer.

Making a cacao and putting on a playlist specifically for these moments helps me with that. While preparing the cacao I always put on a specific song that reconnects me with my body. Drinking the cacao warms my body and I am aware of everything I experience in that moment. The smell, the warmth, the spice of the cayenne on my
tongue, the sweetness of the honey. A connection with my senses and especially my smell and taste is a nice opening for this moment.

In the meantime, I have - partly due to the period that I was sitting on the couch - taught my boyfriend exactly how I like to drink my cocoa. So when he notices that I need one, one is in front of me in no time. Preferably when I am under a steaming shower. I once learned from a therapist that you can decide for yourself how and where you take a moment for yourself. There
There should be no restrictions, you can create one that suits you completely.
Being kinder to myself has brought me closer and closer to a new version of myself over the past year. I'm not there yet, but the change is in full swing.

Love Sanne